Therapy for couples: Improving communication and resolving conflicts

What Is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy, also known as couples counseling or relationship therapy, is a form of psychotherapy that helps couples, married or unmarried, resolve conflicts and improve communication. When the couple is married, couples therapy might also be referred to as marriage counseling. Either way, it provides a safe and neutral space for couples to explore their issues, strengthen their bond, and develop healthier ways of relating to each other. 

Couples therapy is led by trained mental health professionals — often licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs) — who help identify underlying issues, bring clarity to each partner’s perspectives, and find constructive ways to address problems using various therapeutic techniques and interventions. This journey often involves tough yet productive conversations about the relationship and requires both partners to communicate in an honest but respectful manner.

If you’re worried about being completely open with your partner or communicating calmly, don’t be — the job of a couples therapist is to mediate these discussions. They can help you and your partner improve your communication skills so that you’re able to understand, listen to, and talk with each other more effectively.

Is It Healthy to Go to Couples Therapy?

Yes, it is absolutely healthy to go to couples therapy. It is even recommended not to wait until a couple is in crisis mode to attend counseling. Many couples don’t start considering therapy until there are clear and difficult-to-manage problems, but going to therapy for regular maintenance can be very helpful. 

Is Couples Therapy Good for a Relationship?

Couples therapy can be immensely beneficial for a relationship in several ways. First, it provides a safe and structured environment for couples to address and resolve conflicts, improving communication and problem-solving skills. Through guided discussions and exercises, couples learn to express their needs, concerns, and emotions effectively, fostering a deeper understanding of and empathy for each other’s perspectives. 

Additionally, couples therapy helps identify underlying patterns and dynamics that may be contributing to relationship distress, such as communication breakdowns, unmet needs, or unresolved issues from the past. By gaining insight into these dynamics, couples can change negative habits, develop healthier ways of relating to each other, and increase levels of trust and intimacy. 

Couples may seek therapy for various reasons, including frequent arguments, infidelity, differences in parenting styles, sexual problems, or simply feeling disconnected from each other. Successful couples therapy requires active participation and commitment from both partners, as well as a willingness to be open, honest, and vulnerable with each other. 

While couples therapy does not guarantee that a relationship will be saved, it can provide valuable tools and insights that help couples navigate challenges and strengthen their bond.

How Does Couples Counseling Work?

Couples therapy works by helping couples identify and manage their unique challenges. Following an initial assessment of the couple in terms of strengths and needs, the couple’s therapist would then discuss their therapeutic goals and possible approaches or ways of working together as therapist and couple.

Often, emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a standard therapeutic modality within couples therapy. EMT focuses on strategies to help identify, express, and share emotions with others so that they may better understand your needs, wants, and desires. 

Each partner will typically attend sessions together, whether they meet virtually or in person. In addition to regular couples therapy sessions, they each may also be asked to attend a few individual sessions to supplement their progress. This will allow their counselor to get to know each individual better, assess their personal needs, and develop the best plan moving forward. 

By addressing both the partners’ individual needs and the needs of the relationship, a therapist can help each participant better express their feelings, discuss issues with their partner, and resolve conflicts.

How Does Online Therapy for Couples Work?

Online therapy for couples, also known as teletherapy, is nearly identical to in-person couples therapy, but conducted using video conferencing tools. The couple and therapist meet regularly via a secure video call platform, and partners can participate from the same location or separate ones, depending on their schedules and preferences. 

One significant advantage of online therapy is its accessibility. Couples can attend sessions from the comfort of their own home, or any safe place they choose with access to WiFi, which can reduce stress and increase willingness to participate — especially for those with busy schedules or mobility issues. 

Additionally, it provides access to therapists who might not be available locally. This convenience can enhance consistency and commitment to the therapeutic process. Despite the differences in medium, the objectives of online couples therapy remain the same as traditional therapy: to foster better understanding, improve problem-solving skills, and build a healthier, more satisfying relationship.

Types of Couples Therapy: What Are Common Approaches to Couples Therapy?

Here are some of the most common and effective approaches to couples therapy:

1. The Gottman Method: The Gottman Method, developed by John and Julie Gottman, focuses on a few key behaviors that are detrimental to couples called “the Four Horsemen” — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. If your couples therapist utilizes this method, you can expect to share some background on past relationships, discuss areas of contention, talk through triggers, find shared values, and learn tools for managing present and future conflict.
2. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT is one of the most common and effective approaches to therapy, not just for relationship issues, but also for conditions like depression and anxiety. When it comes to CBT for couples, your therapist will help you and your partner identify your relationship issues and talk about them from your individual perspectives. Through CBT, you’ll be able to get to the root of the problem, dispel false beliefs, and develop more effective communication techniques.
3. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): Couples therapists who use emotionally focused therapy help their clients dig deeper and address emotions that hide beneath the surface. Once these emotions are uncovered, the couple can address the unmet needs and desires driving them.
4. Imago relationship therapy: This approach to couples therapy explores pain and patterns that go beyond one’s current romantic relationship. It looks at a couple’s challenges as a result of any neglect from childhood or needs that went unmet. If your couples therapist utilizes imago relationship therapy, they’ll help you and your partner explore your respective childhoods and understand how past experiences may impact your current view of relationships. 
5. Narrative therapy: Narrative therapy views problems within the relationship as separate from the individuals involved, and focuses on providing a new perspective on the couple’s shared narrative. It helps couples identify and challenge negative stories or beliefs that may be influencing their relationship.
6. Solution-focused therapy (SFT): If there are one or two main problems that you and your partner are hoping to address in couples therapy, SFT is probably a good fit for you. Your therapist will help you envision the changes that you want to make in your relationship, working with you and your partner to develop a plan with actionable steps toward your goal(s).
7. Integrative or eclectic approaches: Some therapists use an integrative or eclectic approach, drawing from multiple therapeutic modalities to tailor treatment to the specific needs of each couple. This may involve elements of various therapies, combined in a flexible and personalized way.

The approaches of couples therapists may vary, because many different types of relationship counseling methods can be utilized in sessions. The decision on what approaches to use is based on the couples’ specific needs in order to lead both individuals to a successful outcome, whatever that may look like.

What Is the Most Effective Form of Couples Therapy?

The most effective form of couples therapy depends on the unique needs and dynamics of the individuals involved. However, some of the most widely recognized and evidence-based approaches therapists use to treat couples include emotionally focused therapy (EFT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for couples, and the Gottman Method. 

What Does Couples Therapy Help With?

Couples therapy is meant to help with any conflict, issue, or disconnect that is occurring between a couple. Some examples of common relationship issues addressed in couples therapy include:

• Jealousy
• Opposing values
• Different visions for the future
• Disagreements in parenting
• Lack of trust
• Financial distress
• Sex issues
• Infidelity

If there are areas of your relationship that could be improved, you should consider talking to a couples therapist at Thriveworks and making those improvements with professional assistance.

When to Consider Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can be a valuable resource for couples facing a variety of challenges or generally seeking to strengthen their relationship. However, there are some common indicators that a couple might benefit from couples therapy. These include: 

• Communication issues: One clear indicator that couples therapy may be beneficial is persistent communication problems. If communication breakdowns occur frequently, leading to misunderstandings, arguments, or resentment, couples therapy can help improve communication skills and foster deeper understanding between partners. 
• Unresolved or recurring conflicts: Unresolved or recurring patterns of conflict can signal the need for intervention. Couples may find themselves arguing repeatedly over the same issues without resolution, or seeing their conflicts escalate into harmful behaviors such as yelling or withdrawing. When this happens, seeking professional guidance can help break the cycle and promote healthier conflict resolution. 
• Broken trust: Another important consideration for couples therapy is whether trust has been seriously compromised. Whether due to infidelity, dishonesty, or breaches of boundaries, rebuilding trust can be a challenging process that often requires the guidance of a skilled therapist. Couples therapy provides a structured and supportive environment for addressing trust issues, exploring underlying emotions, and working toward forgiveness and reconciliation.
• Life transitions: Couples may also benefit from therapy when facing major life transitions or stressors, such as starting a family, navigating career changes, dealing with grief, or facing financial difficulties. These challenges can strain even the strongest relationships, and couples therapy can provide tools and support to help couples navigate these transitions together. 

Ultimately, couples should consider therapy when they feel stuck or unsatisfied in their relationship, recognize patterns of behavior that are harmful or destructive, or simply want to strengthen their connection and deepen their intimacy. Seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness, nor does it have to mean that the relationship is in peril. It’s a proactive step toward building a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.

What Is the Success Rate of Couples Therapy?

Generally speaking, 75% of couples who have done more than one couples therapy session find that strategies and skills work have been helpful. The Gottmans were able to predict the success of a relationship with 94% accuracy. Because of this, the Gottman Method has become widely popular as a therapy modality for those wanting to increase emotional, social, and sexual intimacy. 

It’s reported that emotionally focused therapy (EFT) also has one of the highest success rates, with 75% of couples reporting that it helped salvage their relationship or at least improved communication and satisfaction. 

How to Encourage Your Partner to Try Couples Counseling

If your partner feels hesitant and needs encouragement to try couples counseling with you, the following tips can help you show your the benefits of couples counseling, and potentially convince them to attend with you:

1. Show signs of change yourself. When someone avoids couples counseling, it can be because they don’t think it will be effective in facilitating real change. Counter this worry by helping your partner see that you’re not only willing to change, but have already begun the work. 
2. Stress that you are in this together. Remind your partner that, while your relationship has difficulties, you want to work with them to improve the relationship together. Show solidarity and openness to doing whatever is necessary for a healthy, happy partnership.
3. Explain that the counselor is a neutral party. Make sure that you stress the neutrality of a counselor to your partner — explain that the counselor is by no means “on your side,” but should work with both of you impartially. 
4. Prompt them to consider the rewards of couples counseling. If your partner has some resistance to counseling, make couples counseling a shared idea by asking your partner, “If we were to go to couples counseling, what would you most want to get out of our sessions?” This question may also help your partner to begin thinking about what they could personally get out of couples counseling and what they stand to gain.
5. Talk about “even if.” Your partner may say that they don’t want to go to counseling because there is no hope for the relationship. You can respond to this by using the idea that “even if” the relationship has “no hope,” counseling can still help the two of you to part on good terms and may help each of you learn from the experience so you don’t make similar mistakes in future relationships.

If you want compassionate, knowledgeable treatment to help you through the conflicts and issues in your relationship, Thriveworks is ready to help. Our expert couples counselors can help you establish goals, learn and improve your communication and problem-solving skills, and provide a nonjudgmental and supportive space for both of you to feel heard and understood. Use our online booking tool or call our support team to schedule a session and get the help you deserve today.