Trust issues: Signs, causes, and how to overcome them

Trust issues are characterized by fear of betrayal, abandonment, or manipulation. And this fear is often triggered as a result of betrayal (such as infidelity), abandonment (think: leaving a child or foregoing a relationship with them), or manipulation (for example, dishonesty or gaslighting).

If someone you trusted — a partner, a parent, or even a doctor — mistreated you or let you down, you may struggle to trust others. Or, in other words, you have trust issues.

Sometimes, you can pinpoint the event or relationship that caused the breakdown in trust. For others, the source may not be quite so obvious. Understanding the cause of your trust issues and overcoming them is possible with a bit of self-reflection and work. If you’re struggling with trust issues, you can work to trust again by following a few steps. 

What Are Trust Issues? 

Trust issues arise when a person is uncertain about whom to trust, how much to trust, or when not to trust. They often stem from a violation of trust, which undermines one’s belief in the reliability and truthfulness of others and affects how we measure their integrity and honesty. When a person’s trust is violated, they might struggle to believe others will follow through on promises or be reliable.

These issues can manifest in various relationships, such as among family members, romantic partners, friends, or colleagues at work. Depending on the relationship, trust issues may have different causes, symptoms, and methods for overcoming them.

What Are the Signs of Trust Issues?

If you’ve wondered “Do I have trust issues” or if you think someone you know or love has trust issues, it can be helpful to know the signs and symptoms to look out for. Meeting any or all of the below criteria could signify that there are trust issues.

• They assume betrayal. Those with trust issues assume someone has betrayed their trust even if they have no rightful reasoning.
• They anticipate betrayal. People with trust issues often assume someone will betray them soon enough, despite how honest they have been in the past.
• They’re overly protective. Those with trust issues are usually very protective of their loved ones, out of fear that they will become disloyal.
• They distance themselves from others. People with trust issues decide it’s best to limit their relationships to avoid betrayal or abandonment.
• They avoid commitment. No matter how much they care for someone, people with trust issues refuse to commit.
• They refuse to forgive (even the smallest mistakes). Those with trust issues are quick to make a big deal out of small things. To them, it may feel like the end of the world if someone makes a small mistake.
• They’re excessively wary of people. People with trust issues are extremely cautious and suspicious of everyone they meet.
• They feel lonely or depressed. Those with trust issues isolate themselves from others and feel lonely or depressed as a result.
• They are constantly on guard. After a betrayal, a person may feel the betrayal was their fault and that they are undeserving of a healthy connection. Instead, they may be constantly on guard, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

What Causes Trust Issues?

Trust issues often stem from an experience and have a root cause. To work on the problem, it’s important to first get to the bottom of what caused the trust issues and go from there. Here are some common causes of trust issues. 

• Abandonment: Experiencing abandonment can disrupt a person’s sense of security and stability. Trust issues stemming from abandonment can cause a person to doubt others’ reliability and commitment and can make it hard for them to form and maintain trusting relationships.
• Betrayal: Betrayal causes trust issues because it breaks the expectation of loyalty and honesty, which are fundamental to trusting relationships. When someone is betrayed, they may find it hard to trust others again, fearing that the same deceit could occur.
• Infidelity: Infidelity is an example of betrayal that can trigger trust issues. Many people view this as the ultimate form of betrayal. While it’s possible to repair a relationship after infidelity, often the relationship ends and the victim of the infidelity develops trust issues, which impact future relationships.
• Manipulation or mistreatment: If a past partner or loved one manipulated or mistreated you, you’re also at an increased risk for trust issues. Examples include dishonesty, gaslighting, passive-aggressive behavior, and keeping you isolated from others.
• Childhood trauma: Adverse experiences in childhood are also likely to cause trust issues. Examples include abuse or abandonment by one or more caregivers.
• Other forms of trauma: Trauma later in life can also lead to trust issues. For example, you might struggle to trust healthcare professionals because of a firsthand or secondhand traumatic experience with a previous doctor. 
• Parental divorce or conflicts: If you have divorced parents, you may also be more likely to develop trust issues, especially in your romantic relationships. On the other hand, if your parents argue(d) a lot and you’ve witnessed an up and down relationship, you might’ve developed trust issues as a result.
• Anxious or insecure attachment styles: Anxious or insecure attachment styles cause trust issues because individuals with these attachment styles often fear rejection and doubt their worthiness of love and support. This insecurity can lead to heightened vigilance and distrust in relationships, as they may constantly worry about being abandoned or not being valued, making it difficult to fully trust others.

Is Having Trust Issues a Mental Illness?

Having trust issues as a singular issue isn’t a mental illness. However, it can be indicative of an actual mental health condition, particularly: 

• Anxiety disorders, especially PTSD
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
• Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)
• Bipolar disorder I or II

These conditions may cause trust issues in relationships because of the way certain cognitive distortions, irrational beliefs, or mood swings may unrealistically change someone’s perception of reality and interpersonal relationships. What can be particularly damaging, though, is when a person with a mental health condition that causes trust issues is hurt by a loved one’s deception. This can affirm their negative bias and make it even harder to emotionally and socially connect with other people, even if they desire to do so. 

What Is a Person Called When They Have Trust Issues?

Pistanthrophobia is the fear of trusting people or forming significant relationships with them. While it’s not a recognized mental health condition in the DSM-5, pistanthrophobia, like other phobias, causes significant mental and emotional distress and usually detracts from the sufferer’s quality of life in a significant way. 

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Trust Issues in Relationships

In most cases, our romantic relationships suffer the most from our trust issues — whether they’ve resulted from betrayal in a former romantic relationship or not. Intimate relationships are based on honesty and openness. The trust that partners have in each other is the glue that binds the relationship, providing a positive emotional connection that’s rooted in affection, love, and loyalty.

A common cause of trust issues is infidelity. If a partner in a relationship has an affair, the deception and betrayal of trust can be more damaging than the actual affair. The lying erodes the belief in the other person, and the reality is that the partner has another aspect of their life that they’ve kept secret. A person who didn’t develop trust as a child will feel especially vulnerable to infidelity and deception by somebody they loved.

What to Do If You Have Trust Issues In a Relationship

Dialectal behavior therapy (DBT) is an effective treatment method for people who notice continued trust issues in relationships. So for those wondering how to fix trust issues, finding a mental health professional they can connect with and receive DBT from is the first place to begin. Partners can also benefit from couples or marriage counseling, where they’ll learn new ways to empathize, communicate, and resolve differences and conflicts.

But even before beginning counseling or another form of mental health treatment, there are smaller, personal ways in which someone with trust issues in a relationship can begin to find healing. 

How to Get Over Trust Issues: 8 Tips

Knowing how to overcome trust issues isn’t always easy. But if your trust issues are hindering your ability to build happy, healthy relationships or are negatively impacting your life in another way, then it’s time to make a change. Follow these steps if you’re wondering how to fix trust issues.

1. Accept the risk that comes with learning to trust again.

None of us are perfect — we let people down. Therefore, you must accept the risk that comes with trusting; the reality is that you’re going to be let down at some point or another. But that doesn’t mean your relationship with that person is or should be over. It’s about setting and communicating the right expectations as well as boundaries.

2. Learn how trust works.

Some people trust until they have a reason not to — others don’t trust people until that trust is earned. It’s up to you if and when you choose to trust someone. It’s perfectly okay to wait for someone to earn your trust before deciding you can rely on them. Especially if you’re recovering from past betrayal.

3. Take emotional risks.

At some point, you’ve got to just jump in head-first. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and choose to trust (whether it’s at the beginning of a relationship or after they’ve earned your trust).

4. Get to the root of your trust issues.

Remember, trust issues often stem from a past betrayal. If you aren’t sure why you have trust issues, do some soul-searching. Think about any past experiences that may have caused your trust issues. You must understand why you’re scared and what you’re scared of, so you can move on. If you need help doing this, consider working with a counselor.

5. Communicate honestly and often.

Poor communication is one of the main reasons that marriages and other relationships deteriorate. Do your part, and continue to be honest with the people in your life. Also, talk to them about your hesitancy to trust.

6. Be mindful of your relationships.

Each one of your interactions works to build trust. Start tuning into these interactions and consider why someone (whether it’s your new doctor, partner, or co-worker) might deserve your trust.

7. Consider those you do trust and express your appreciation.

Friends and family members who have always been there are easy to take for granted unless you make a conscious effort to show them your appreciation. When you have a problem, those are the people you can trust to be a support network. In addition, you can learn a lot about who, what, why, and how you trust from these relationships.

8. Try to trust again.

If you fail and resort back to distrusting tendencies, try again. Trust again. Keep putting yourself out there.

Are Trust Issues a Red Flag?

Trust issues can be a sign that someone has experienced a significant amount of trauma — but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t working through their past experiences. Trust issues in a relationship can be hard for both partners to overcome, but with adequate support and communication, people with trust issues can have healthy, successful connections with partners — that aren’t ruled by their past.

The Bottom Line

Overcoming trust issues in relationships involves understanding their signs and causes and taking proactive steps toward healing. Learning how to trust your partner again often starts with open communication, addressing past traumas, and seeking professional help, if needed. By following these strategies, you can rebuild your confidence in others and foster healthier, more trusting relationships. Remember, overcoming trust issues is a journey, but with persistence, you can learn to trust again.