Golden child syndrome: How does it develop, and what effect does it have?

What Is Golden Child Syndrome?

Golden child syndrome, or being a “golden child,” is a term typically used by familes to refer to a child in the family that’s regarded as exceptional in some way. The golden child is expected to be extraordinary at everything, not make mistakes, and essentially be “perfect.” 

Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. These parents often live vicariously through their golden child and view the child as an extension of themselves. They may attempt to coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions. Parents may have unrealistic or overly ambitious expectations for the golden child, pressuring them to achieve in academics, sports, or other areas. This pressure can be explicit, with parents directly communicating their high expectations, or implicit, where the child feels the weight of unspoken demands.

Is Golden Child Syndrome a Mental Illness?

Golden child syndrome is not a mental condition, as there is no clinical definition or diagnosis for it. 

Still, golden child syndrome is real and affects a person’s sense of self. Golden children often have low self-worth and perceive love and affection as something they need to achieve. It also affects the other siblings in the family by fostering animosity, resentment and unnecessary sibling rivalry. 

Some long-term difficulties in romantic relationships, friendships, parenting, work, self-esteem, and self-worth can also come from being deemed the golden child. Because of this, working with a mental health professional to treat the repercussions of being a golden child can be extremely helpful.

What Causes Golden Child Syndrome?

Golden child syndrome is primarily caused by specific parenting dynamics and family environments where one child is singled out and expected to be exceptional at everything. Here are a few factors that can cause golden child syndrome. 

• Narcissistic parents: Narcissistic parents or guardians who see their child as an extension of themselves may make the main responsibility of their child to be “perfect.”  
• Controlling parents: Parents or guardians who are highly controlling may dictate every aspect of a child’s life, from their hobbies to their academic choices. This hinders a child’s ability to develop their own identity. 
• Insecure parents: Parents or guardians who project their own insecurities onto their child may push them to succeed in areas where they feel they fell short. The child becomes a vehicle for the parent’s unmet needs, leading to excessive pressure and unrealistic demands.
• Parents who overestimate a child’s abilities: Parents who overvalue their child as being more special, talented, or intellectual than others may pressure their child to maintain a high profile and be the best in every area. 
• Conditional love and approval: When love and approval from parents are conditional on a child’s success, it can create a deep-seated fear of failure and rejection for that child.

These factors can create a family environment where the golden child feels immense pressure to live up to their designated role, leading to the development of golden child syndrome. The long-term effects can be detrimental to the child’s mental health and relationships, making it important to recognize and address these dynamics early on.

What Are Golden Child Syndrome Symptoms?

While the golden child is often singled out and praised by the narcissistic parent, they’re acutely aware that this praise is conditional. This pressure can have a long-term impact and lead to common characteristics associated with golden child syndrome:

• Fear: Fears of failure, rejection, and abandonment are common issues for golden children. Golden children often experience disproportionate consequences if they disappoint their parents. Because failure lead to them being rejected and abandoned by their parents, they often have an intrinsic fear of letting themselves or others down. 
• People pleasing: This is a major sign of being a golden child. Because there are such high stakes to disappointing their parents, these kids will do anything to please their parents and other authority figures. It’s their main route to feeling loved and safe. 
• Hard work ethic and perfectionism: Since they get attention and love from their parents by being high achievers, they will work hard to show they can live up to their title of golden child (and the parent’s bragging rights). This can also be tied back to the fear of failure, rejection, and abandonment that is hung over them by their parents. 
• Inability to take criticism: Because golden children are used to being praised and held to high standards, they may not be able to handle criticism. Even constructive feedback can be perceived as a failure or a personal attack.
• Parentified child: Often, the golden child is also the parentified child. They may be expected to get a job to help out with finances, raise the younger siblings, or help their parents with adult responsibilities. A parentified golden child often has to grow up faster to step into the adult roles that are expected of them.
• Chronic stress: A golden child may feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities and the fear of not living up to the standards set for them, which can lead to constant stress and anxiety.
• Difficulty expressing emotions and setting boundaries: Golden children may hide their true feelings, especially if they think those feelings will disappoint their parents. They might struggle with expressing anger, sadness, or frustration, as these emotions could be seen as a sign of weakness or failure. Likewise, they may struggle to set healthy boundaries as they are used to prioritizing others’ needs over their own. 
• Low self-esteem: Golden children may suffer from low self-esteem because they base their worth on external validation instead of internal self-acceptance. 
• Burnout: Golden children often live in a relatively constant state of fear due to the lofty parental expectations and harsh emotional consequences they face. Too much is expected of them, and as a result, they can also suffer from extreme burnout with no time or space to deal with it. 

These symptoms can have long-lasting effects on the individual’s mental health and relationships, making it important to address and manage the pressures associated with golden child syndrome.

What Is a Golden Child Personality?

Of course, each person with golden child syndrome is still their own person with a unique personality. However, because of their status as a golden child, golden children can share some characteristics. Personality traits for golden children can include:

• Rule-following: They tend not to question the rules or they may lose love and affection.
• Competitiveness: They can be relentless in striving to reach their goals.
• Studiousness: They excel in the school atmosphere.
• Impressive hobbies: They might spend their free time playing an instrument or a sport rather than playing video games or hanging out with friends.
• Perfectionism: They like (even need) to be perfect in what they do, and as such are sensitive to criticism
• Strong leadership tendencies: They tend to have good communication skills and take initiative, perhaps being the leaders of their friend group.

A golden child’s personality may also depend on their gender since society places very different expectations on boys and girls. Parents may project gendered expectations onto their children. For example, a boy might suffer from “Golden Boy Complex” and may take on extra responsibilities to feel they must be a breadwinner or have a high-up corporate role. A golden child who is a girl may be more likely to experience being a “parentified girl,” meaning they might be expected to take on family responsibilities, like caring for their younger siblings and taking on the emotional burdens of others in the family 

Do Golden Children Become Narcissists?

A golden child can become a narcissist. Because golden children are told they must be good at everything and feel pressured to live up to unreasonable expectations, they are sometimes unable to develop their sense of self. This can cause low self-esteem, which lays the foundation for becoming a narcissist. 

That said, a golden child is also fully capable of not becoming a narcissist. This can be dependent on how dysfunctional the parenting they received was and whether they received any emotional support from other family members or friends. 

Remember, while Golden Child Syndrome can lead to narcissistic tendencies in some, it is not a definitive outcome. Each person’s journey is unique, and with awareness and therapeutic support, individuals can overcome the challenges associated with being the golden child and build healthier, more fulfilling lives.

What Kind of Childhood Creates a Narcissist?

Though the root cause of narcissism is unknown, narcissism in children is thought to be cultivated by parents. When parents overvalue their child, believing that their child is more special or deserving of things than others, it can make the child feel entitled while also giving them low self-esteem. 

That low self-esteem coupled with entitlement can make someone very insecure and prone to acting out with aggression when those insecurities are touched on. 

In contrast, higher self-esteem can be fostered by parenting styles that express parental warmth, affection, and appreciation to a child.

What Happens When a Golden Child Fails?

When a golden child fails, they feel as though they are not “good enough,” and consequently worry that they will lose love and affection from one or both of their parents. Essentially, they will feel unlovable. 

This can then lead to a variety of mental health or social issues, including: 

• Anxiety
• Depression
• People-pleasing
• Withdrawal
• Perfectionism
• Self-sabotage
• Unhealthy coping skills such as drinking, binging/purging, or using drugs
• Low self-esteem
• Codependency
• Narcissism
• Insecure attachment styles
• Not knowing oneself

If golden child syndrome sounds familiar to you and you want help dealing with or sorting out how it could be affecting you, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can help you discern what issues you may want to work on and give you a safe space to discuss how you feel.

How Siblings Are Impacted by a Golden Child

Siblings in a family with a “golden child” often experience a range of negative emotions and challenges due to the unequal attention and expectations placed on them. The golden child, who is usually favored by the parents and held up as the ideal, can create an environment where the other siblings feel overlooked, undervalued, or unfairly judged. Here are just a few ways siblings may be impacted by having a golden child in their family.

1. Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority: Constant comparisons to the golden child can make siblings believe they are not good enough or that their achievements are less valuable. 
2. Resentment and anger: When one child is clearly favored in a family, the overlooked children may develop resentment toward the golden child and their parents.
3. Pressure to compete: When love and attention are conditional on success, siblings may feel pressure to compete with the golden child to simply get their parents’ attention. This can create a constant need to outperform or prove themselves. 
4. Internalizing negative labels: In some families, roles are rigidly defined, with one child designated as the “golden child” while the siblings may be cast in roles like the “scapegoat” or the “black sheep.” Kids can internalize these negative labels, believing they are “less than” or not as capable as the designated golden child. 

Overall, the presence of a golden child in a family can disrupt the harmony and equality among siblings, leading to long-lasting emotional and relational challenges.

What Happens to the Golden Child When They Grow Up?

If a golden child doesn’t seek any mental health treatment to help them process the pressures they face from their parents and help them overcome golden child syndrome, they may struggle to form and maintain healthy attachments with others. They could also have trouble with people-pleasing, reflexively putting their own needs beneath the needs of others.

Each situation is unique, and the issues someone might face after a childhood as a golden child will differ from someone else’s. This is why individualized mental health treatment is beneficial in processing the stress that comes from golden child syndrome. With help and proper support, a golden child can learn to set healthy boundaries, understand their value outside of what they do for others, and form relationships based on real love and affection.

The Bottom Line

Golden child syndrome can have lasting effects on a child’s mental health and relationships. Children who grow up in this environment may struggle with issues such as anxiety, depression, people-pleasing, and even narcissism as they attempt to navigate the unrealistic expectations placed upon them. The pressure to be perfect can lead to a range of challenges in adulthood, from difficulties in forming healthy attachments to a distorted sense of self-worth. If you or someone you know has experienced the effects of golden child syndrome, consider seeking support from a mental health professional.